Wednesday, January 27, 2010

#sotu watch party w/ @lillaspastia

A: dude
A: what is wrong with John Edwards
J: what happened??
J: I missed it
A: just the sex tape thing from the other day
J: did the sex tape come out?
A: no
J: well we knew he was spreading his change juice all over the place
J: I missed the SOTU for Carmen
J: I think it's a good thing. It would have given me a heart attack
A: get a close up when i change on your tits, rielle
J: haha
A: i missed it for a piano recital
A: sounds like it went ok
A: but also sort of glad i didn't watch
A: how wuz carmen?
J: In a new book, a former aide claims that Edwards asked him to fake a paternity test and steal one of the baby's diapers to perform a DNA test on its poop.
J: I mean
J: WHAT is going on with him
J: Carmen was really fun
A: like, he is CRAZY
J: it was Jovanovich' debut
A: that is a CRAZY person that was running for pres
J: I know! and I voted for him once!
A: how is it that he was banging this chick and stealing poo and no one ever leaked it?
A: that is disturbing
A: i read something one time by some journalist about how they were creeped out by edwards
A: that like, every candidate they ever interviewed had an "off" switch where they would stop being in their candidate character and just be a normal person with you
A: but like, they had never seen Edwards in off mode
J: weird
J: so this Carmen is so much less awful than the old one
A: oh swell
J: and Borodina was out and it was this got chick
J: hot
A: that old one was death
A: garanca?
J: and Jovan Muskovich is way hot and was emoting all over the place. and she was acting like a TOTAL SLUT
J: it was awesome
A: haha excellent
J: no, Garanca's run is over and tonight was supposed to be the first night of Borodina
J: but she was out and it was some gal named Viktoria Vizin
J: and her singing was good. Her voice was a little small but she basically brought it and just REALLY ACTED LIKE A WHORE
J: and he was all on top of her and feeling up her dress all the way up to her ass and verging into crotch
J: and all the Russians who came to see Borodina were like "ach!" and turning their heads
A: haha
A: damn
J: and they put that nice gay Kwiecien in this tight matador outfit but it was clear he maybe had more of a crush on Jovanovich than on Carmen
J: and it was also the met debut of this really young french composer
J: and he took all the dances really fast and had floppy hair and was bouncing up and down
A: that's a good subtext for carmen
J: totally
A: escamillo really steals her just to make don jose jealous
J: but he loved his pretty glittery matador outfit
J: yeah there's total opportunity during the knife fight music for erotic tension
J: that would be such a great deconstructionist Carmen!!!
A: oh man
A: c'mon europe
J: and then Don Jose kills her to be with Escamillo
A: yeah
A: and then then he runs in and they kind of make out before the bullfighting police or whatever take him away
A: and scene
J: so good
A: with like, extreme red spotlight center stage
J: and all the outfits could be leathery
and Michaela should DEF be like a fat fag hag
A: ha totally
J: and he sort of goes with Carmen cause she's so fierce
A: "hey don jose...does this dress make me look fat? Don jose I really need yoru opinion here"
J: haha
A: "Mais oui, tu est une vache"
J: Michaela is all trying to dance with a rose in her mouth but she's like Camryn Manheim fat
J: haha
A: "Vache totale"
A: where is that opera suggestion box when you need it
A: i think i heard an interview with that conductor
A: it was cute
J: he was tres adorable


Anonymous said...

Superb commentary.

The conductor was cute. And short. I think he picked up the tempo to make up for his height.

I love the idea of the "opera suggestion box." I'm surprised Peter Gelb hasn't tried that yet. Although if were at the MET, you'd probably have to slip some cash into the box as well.

Will said...

You gys are too much, which means you're just right.

My Carmen ticket is for the spring when we'll see if Ms Gheorghiu goes through with it and whether she can sing it if she does. Did either of you see Brandon's Turridu? Testosterone all over the stage and could he sing it!

Alex said...


"Dear Patron, We appreciate your input. Please roll it in a $50 and slip it in the box. Regards, THE MET."

Anonymous said...

BTW - Loved "Jovan Muskovich". That's one of your best appellations.